Dear Metropark… I need help!

Dear Metropark,

To put it simply, I am an incredibly dope sneaker. A recent version of the Reebok Pump made by Proper. I am locked up in a basement closet 99% of the time like that gimp dude in that Quentin Tarantino flick from the 90’s. Here is the problem, my owner seems to be colorblind. I mean REALLY colorblind. He has put me in some really suspect combinations including stripes, winter camo and some polka dot thing that even Kwame would be embarrassed of in 2009. I hope you don’t take this lightly as I understand you must get a lot of random emails from underpriviledged and mismatched shoes. I have attached a picture of myself. I hope you think I am as fly as I am. I don’t mean to get all Kanye, but it is rather true. I digress… My silly owner needs some style. Will you help me by helping him please????

Signed,

Dear Fly Reebok Pumps,

I understand your plight. I always cringe when I see amazing kicks that are not only not matching with the owner’s gear, but completely off the wall. I mean, what are they thinking??? I know not everyone can afford their own stylist, but do they think they are impressing the ladies? Hell-to-the-no. Fly girls are the second to notice if you are perpetrating shoe fraudulence. The first is always the tried and true Sneakerhead. So please to check out some of the stylings that I have put together for you. I hope some of them work out and know that your owner will truly appreciate the honesty you have put forth on his behalf.

As an added bonus, I felt the need to give some recommendations to some of your friends. Check em out and let me know what you think.

Yours truly,
Tatelarockski